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Posted on Senin, 11 Februari 2013

A man walked into his back yard one morning and found a gorilla in a tree. 

He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon serviceman arrived with a stick, a cihuahua (a rabbit-size breed of dog), a pair of handcuffs, and a shootgun. 

“Now listen carefully,” he told the homeowner.

”I’m going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The trained cihuahua will then go right for his, uh, sensitive area, and when the gorilla instinctively crosses his hands in front to protect himself, you slap on the handcuffs.”

“Got it,” the homeowner replied. 


“But what’s the shootgun for?”

“If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla,” the man said,” shoot the cihuahua.”

Source(s): Cn’S English Magazine Vol.2 No.11 and http://aljihad99.blogspot.com/
Posted by: Cynthia Farah Sakina  
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Posted on Minggu, 03 Februari 2013

Run


I was teaching a very basic class in BASIC programming to a group of adults. Adults who have never been around computers before are very nervous and much harder to teach than children, however I am a patient person so I enjoy their successes.
However, I must share the following:
After putting a short program on the board, I told the students to type "R," "U," "N" and press return to see the program execute.
A hand went up in the back of the room, waving to get my attention, and the person attached to the hand said, "I did what you said and it didn't work." Knowing full-well that all of us make mistakes when typing at the computer, I suggested she retype "R," "U," "N" and press return. A few seconds later, the lady's hand goes up again. "It still doesn't work," she said.
So... I went back to see what the problem was ... only to find that instead of typing RUN, she had typed in the following: ARE YOU IN !

by : Fika Harningtyas

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     Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."

     The second deaf man signed back, "Boy you're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me hell for being out so late." The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"

     The second man replied, "I just turned out the light!" 

Source : www.flintstories.com
by : Tirza marly

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     One day, in a crowded bus station there is a man who smokes. As a person who cares of environment, Budi doesn’t like people who smoking and wants to warn that man. But Budi doesn’t want that man angry because his statement, so Budi warn him softly. Budi came to the man and said, “sir, how long you’ve been smoking?”. He answered, “I’ve been smoking for 20 years”.
       
     “Tell me how much the price for a smoke” the man replied, “it’s about Rp. 2000, why are you asking?” then Budi replied again, “sir, don’t you ever think. If everyday you spent only a smoke, you may get Rp. 14.000 for a week if you save the money. If a month you may get Rp. 420.000 and for a year you may get Rp. 5.040.000. Now imagine if you save the money for 20 years as long you were smoking. You may get more than a hundred million rupiah and you can buy a car, house or anything with that money”.
       
     Calmly the man said, “now, I’m asking you. How old are you?” Budi answered, “i’m 25 years old”. Then the man asked again, “Are you smoking?” Budi replied, “of course, no!”. Then the man asked Budi, “so, do you have a car?”. Budi answered “no, i don’t have”.

Sourced by : www.google.com
by : M. Darmansyah

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     It was late and Charlie was about to climb into bed when his wife informed him that there was a light on in their garden shed. Charlie started to go outside to turn off the light but noticed some people in the shed who were busy stealing his things. 

     He ran back inside right away and called the cops, who asked him "Are there any intruders in your house?" to which Charlie replied no and explained his circumstances. The cops told Charlie that all patrol cars were otherwise occupied, and that he should just lock his door and a uniformed cop would be at his house when one was free. 

     Charlie answered, "Alright," hung up, waited 30 seconds, and then called the cops again. 
"Hello, I just called a short while ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. I want to let you know that they're not a problem anymore because I've just shot every one of them." Charlie then hung up the phone. In five short minutes, three patrol cars, a SWAT team, and an ambulance arrived, and Of course, the cops caught the burglars in the act. 
     
     One of the cops snapped at Charlie: "I thought you said that you shot every one of them!" 
"I thought you said there were no patrol cars free!" Charlie answered.

Sourced by : www.google.com
by : Parcellia wardani




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     One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. 

     He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts. 
So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.

     At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. 
 
     The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help me, help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?" 

Source : http://www.onlyfunnystories.com/
Created by : Billy D.
Posted by : R.Laksmiari saraswati

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     A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

     The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."
     At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail within 3 minutes!"

Source : http://www.onlyfunnystories.com/
by: Zahra faras sukma

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